National Siblings Day

National Siblings Day
It was all over my social media, friends and family posting pictures of themselves with their siblings. My Facebook memories showed me posts from past years that you, or I, or another one of our siblings posted. But no posts from any of the Zesch kids today, it hurts too much. I didn't realize how much it was bothering me until I was getting ready to go to bed and just fell apart for no apparent reason I cried and screamed into my "Joshie" pillow. Then it hit me, National Siblings Day, I'd been scrolling past picture after picture, and post after post, and each one was like a tiny knife in my heart. How can I celebrate a day made for siblings when one is missing? Weve recently had several family events where our whole family was together, I think my subconscious convinces me that youre just at school, couldn't get off work for the weekend, that way maybe it won't hurt so much. I think it's easier to convince myself of that when Joy is in Africa. But National Siblings Day? I can't get past it, I can't forget it, I can't convince myself of it. Today hurts, I miss you, I miss that goofy infectious smile, I miss you going crazy when you saw a cool car, or even better, texting us pictures when you got to park a cool one at work. I miss seeing you play with your neices, you loved them so stinking much, they still talk about you often. I miss you telling Jimmie, Michael and Matthew that deer they shot was too young. I miss seeing you enjoy life, I hope your living it up with Jesus, that's the only thing that makes me feel better. I know I'll see you again but however soon that is, is not soon enough. Im hurting tonight more than I have in awhile, I miss you little brother. Happy National Siblings Day Joshua Kyle.

New Year

New Year's was hard, we celebrated at our house with friends which was fun but I ended 2018 in tears thinking I just wish I could start 2018 over so Joshua would be here instead of going into 2019 without him.

I should be happy to be done with 2018, it was a hard year. I tell myself to try to see the good with the bad, see God's grace in the hard times. Justin being in grad school and becoming the Science Department Head was so good and I am so proud of him but it also meant lots of extra work and stress. Kambry being born was a beautiful wonderful time but also hard, Joy had to leave for Uganda just a few days before Kambry was born, Justin had to go take a class in Beaumont, TX just 5 days after Kambry was born. Then of course loosing a brother, something you never think you will have to go through and definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. But seeing our friends and family come around us and just be there for ever need, physically, emotionally, financially was just amazing to see.

Every year and season of life has ups and downs but this year they have been steeper than I've ever experienced. I'm thankful for our Father God who loves us so, who we know is always here with us and shows himself so often especially through the hard times. And I am especially thankful that we know that Joshua is worshipping with the angels in Heaven and that we will see him again one day.