National Siblings Day

National Siblings Day
It was all over my social media, friends and family posting pictures of themselves with their siblings. My Facebook memories showed me posts from past years that you, or I, or another one of our siblings posted. But no posts from any of the Zesch kids today, it hurts too much. I didn't realize how much it was bothering me until I was getting ready to go to bed and just fell apart for no apparent reason I cried and screamed into my "Joshie" pillow. Then it hit me, National Siblings Day, I'd been scrolling past picture after picture, and post after post, and each one was like a tiny knife in my heart. How can I celebrate a day made for siblings when one is missing? Weve recently had several family events where our whole family was together, I think my subconscious convinces me that youre just at school, couldn't get off work for the weekend, that way maybe it won't hurt so much. I think it's easier to convince myself of that when Joy is in Africa. But National Siblings Day? I can't get past it, I can't forget it, I can't convince myself of it. Today hurts, I miss you, I miss that goofy infectious smile, I miss you going crazy when you saw a cool car, or even better, texting us pictures when you got to park a cool one at work. I miss seeing you play with your neices, you loved them so stinking much, they still talk about you often. I miss you telling Jimmie, Michael and Matthew that deer they shot was too young. I miss seeing you enjoy life, I hope your living it up with Jesus, that's the only thing that makes me feel better. I know I'll see you again but however soon that is, is not soon enough. Im hurting tonight more than I have in awhile, I miss you little brother. Happy National Siblings Day Joshua Kyle.

New Year

New Year's was hard, we celebrated at our house with friends which was fun but I ended 2018 in tears thinking I just wish I could start 2018 over so Joshua would be here instead of going into 2019 without him.

I should be happy to be done with 2018, it was a hard year. I tell myself to try to see the good with the bad, see God's grace in the hard times. Justin being in grad school and becoming the Science Department Head was so good and I am so proud of him but it also meant lots of extra work and stress. Kambry being born was a beautiful wonderful time but also hard, Joy had to leave for Uganda just a few days before Kambry was born, Justin had to go take a class in Beaumont, TX just 5 days after Kambry was born. Then of course loosing a brother, something you never think you will have to go through and definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. But seeing our friends and family come around us and just be there for ever need, physically, emotionally, financially was just amazing to see.

Every year and season of life has ups and downs but this year they have been steeper than I've ever experienced. I'm thankful for our Father God who loves us so, who we know is always here with us and shows himself so often especially through the hard times. And I am especially thankful that we know that Joshua is worshipping with the angels in Heaven and that we will see him again one day.

Joshua Kyle Zesch

As many of you know, I recently lost my 19 year old brother in a car accident. I haven't kept up with our blog as much as I would like but I have been feeling like it would be helpful to me to share my thoughts somewhere so I will probably be posting here more. Happy memories of Joshua, rough days, how I'm coping etc. So, here are my random musings for today.

It has been over a week since I got the call, those days have been filled with funeral preparations and family time, now that the whirlwind is over and we have to go back to normal life without Joshua I'm not sure where to go next.

 Today I made a Spotify playlist for days that I'm missing him, songs he loved, songs about loss that I've heard before but never could relate to until now. Kaylin keeps singing the song "See You Again" by Wiz Kalifa from The Fast and Furious movies, she had never heard it before the memorial service, she told me earlier that Joshua told us in the song that he will see us again! I said he sure will!

I played Joshua this week in Fantasy Football, Joy took over his Fantasy account and won :)

After I worked out and showered this morning I was looking at the bruises on my legs from helping the boys work cattle, and I could just see him laughing at me for getting kicked.

I did my devotional on my bible app this morning and added some devotional plans for the future about dealing with grief.

Right now, I think about Joshua a few million times a day, think about good memories, or how hard the past week has been, or how to move forward, how my kids won't get to grow up with their Uncle Joshie, I think about his friends, his roommate and best friend at CFNI, and Cambry. I know that these times will slow but I hope and pray that our happy memories with him never fade. That we forever tell stories about him so that Kaylin, Kennedy, Eleanor, Kambry, and future kids feel like they knew him. I am clinging to God today <3

Joshua Kyle Zesch was born June 18, 1999 to Roy and Julie Julie Zesch of San Angelo, TX. Joshua passed away November 17, 2018 in a single vehicle accident.

Joshua is survived by his parents Roy and Julie Zesch of San Angelo and 9 siblings, Annie Zesch of San Angelo, Jenny McClure and husband Justin of San Angelo, Patty Rivera and husband Alexander of Midland, Joy Zesch, Jimmie Zesch, Michael Zesch, Matthew Zesch, Stella Zesch, and Amy Zesch all of San Angelo. He is also survived by 4 nieces: Kaylin McClure, Kennedy McClure, Eleanor Rivera, and Kambry McClure. As well as grandparents Gary and Carole Zesch of Mason, and Wilbur and Margaret Mengers of Johnson City.

Joshua was a homeschool graduate and a student at Christ For the Nations Institute in Dallas, TX. He worked as a valet at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Dallas. He was serving in the Youth Ministry at the Rock Church in Seagoville, TX, and it was his desire to eventually be enrolled in either CFNI’s Youth Major or the Worship Major.

Joshua loved to have fun. To him, life was one big party. He loved his nieces and had lots of other children that consider him their uncle. He loved to joke, fish, drive, eat, hunt and tell stories (with some slight exaggeration). His smile and laugh were known to anyone who ever met him. He had volunteered at House of Faith in San Angelo and Celebration Church Kids Camp where many young people looked up to him and enjoyed his playful spirit.

A memorial service to honor Joshua will be held Sunday November 25, 2018 3:00 pm at Celebration Church San Angelo. Burial will be at the Zesch family cemetery in Mason on Monday November 26, 2018 at 11 am. There will be a visitation at River of Life Church in Mason Nov 26 from 1:30 to 3:30. Pallbearers will be Mike Schmitz, Sterling Barker, Weston Clark, Caleb King, Ty Harris, Jonathan Criner, Luke Huston, Joshua King, David Jones, David Chesser, Reid Needham, and Cody Wyatt.

In lieu of flowers please feel free to donate to Christ For the Nations Institute, CFNI.org

 or House of Faith ministries hofministries.org/

My facebook post as I layed awake late Sunday night thinking about him

Joshua Kyle, no telling how many times I've said that over the last almost 20 years, probably usually ending with "leave (insert sibling name here) alone!" As I lay here awake all I can think of is how proud of you I was. You were the annoying younger brother a few years ago sure, but the past few years you had grown so much. Grown in stature, in maturity, in wisdom, grown in your relationship with the Lord. And I was so so proud of the man you had become. You loved my girls and Eleanor more than anything and I loved seeing you play with them. I really cannot fathom that I won't see you again until I meet Jesus. My heart hurts tonight, my sole aches. I miss you little brother.

Kambry 1 Month

Weight: 8.4lbs

Diet: EBF nurses every 2ish hours during the day

Sleep: Not really on a napping schedule yet. Usually takes a couple naps throughout the day. At night, she is usually ready for bed around 8 or 9. I swaddle her, feed her and lay her in her bassinet in our room. She usually sleeps about 5 hours before waking to eat, then wakes every 2-3 hours after that. Usually up for the day between 7:30-8:30

We always lay her on a burp rag if shes on the couch because she spits up so much :)

Mood: Pretty chill baby! She doesn't usually cry unless shes hungry or tired. She enjoys her swing and will usually fall asleep in there if shes fed and tired enough.

First Bath!

Activities: Will do tummy time for 5-8 minutes before shes done, but I can then roll her over on her back on her play mat and she will lay there and look at her toys for awhile!

Clothes: Wearing Newborn clothes, everything fits perfectly now so she probably wont need to move up for another month or so! Wearing newborn size diapers but has recently had a couple blowouts so we may move up to size one to help with that.

Kambry's Birth Story

First a little backstory:
On Saturday July 21st Justin and I took the girls to Sonic to get their Happy Hour slushies they had earned on their reward chart. We decided to go to Walmart afterward and walk around. While there Justin found a really neat Disney puzzle. He joked that maybe if we started a puzzle and got it all spread out I would go into labor. So we went ahead and bought it and came home, Annie came over and we started the puzzle. Later Marci, Mike, and Bailey came over and helped for awhile. After they all left Justin and I went to bed.

Fast forward to about 4am, I woke up with contractions and couldn't sleep through them, I decided to start timing them. They were about 10 min apart and 45 sec long. After timing them for about an hour I called Kelly and told her what was going on, she asked if I wanted them to go ahead and come, or wait a little while. I thought about it but decided with my history of fairly fast labors I didn't want to wait too long to call her. So I told her to go ahead and come. I then called my mom and Annie and told them to come.

 Everyone got here around 6am, Kelly and Shari got all set up, Justin set up and started filling the birth pool. By the time they got here my contractions were about 5 minutes apart, 45 seconds long and getting a little stronger. We started talking about what to do when the girls woke up and decided to ask Joshua to pick them up on his way to church, they could go to church with him and then go out to Mom & Dads house for the afternoon. They woke up around 7 or 7:30, Mom got them some breakfast and dressed for church. Joshua picked them up about 9am.

By then my contractions had almost completely stopped. Kelly suggested I go take a nap and see what happened. I slept for about 45 min - an hour. I think I woke up around 11am with some contractions I couldn't sleep through. I got up and ate some breakfast. We started timing my contractions, they were about 10 -15 minutes apart and 30 seconds long. Kelly said she thought my labor was starting up again but we probably still had some time, she decided to go eat lunch with her husband and kids and told me to call her when things started progressing. She also said we needed to drain the birth pool because letting it sit with warm water could grow bacteria.

She and Shari left and my Mom, Annie, & Justin worked on draining them pool and and then we just hung out, worked on the puzzle etc. About 1pm they started talking about lunch plans. I wasn't hungry as I had just eaten a late breakfast. They decided to order McAllisters and my mom would go pick it up(Its only about 10 minutes from our house) So they ordered and my mom left to go pick it up. Shortly after she left my contractions started getting a little stronger and closer together. Annie and I started timing them and each one was longer, stronger and closer together than the last. I asked Justin to fill up the birth pool again(that he has just finished draining! :) )and I called Kelly and told her to head back. My contractions continued to get stronger and closer together. My mom got back with lunch a few minutes later, and Kelly and Shari right after that, about 2:15. The birth pool wasnt quite full but I was ready to get in! Kelly said I could go ahead and get in as we finished filling it. It would still feel good even if it wasn't full.

 So I went ahead and got in and they finished filling it. I felt my water break and about 2 contractions later she was crowning. 1 more contraction and she was out! 2:26pm exactly 12 minutes after Kelly & Shari go there! I pulled her out of the water and Shari checked her lungs and said she wasn't breathing, Kelly saw the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times then hooked under her arm. She quickly unwrapped it and checked for lung sounds again, still nothing. She told us to talk to her, rub her etc encourage her to breathe. Still nothing, so she said we needed to give her a few rescue breaths to help inflate her lungs, she asked if I wanted to do it or if I wanted her to. I remember panting and saying "I don't think I have any breaths to give!" Kelly gave her 2 rescue breaths and she started breathing and crying. We stayed in the pool until a few minutes after I birthed the placenta. We then went into our room and got into bed and I nursed her.

Kelly weighed her and then we went and took our herbal bath, ate a quick snack in the bathroom because I was feeling a little lightheaded, then came and got back in bed.

 Kelly did the newborn exam, and they started packing up to leave. Kelly went over postpartum care, she and Shari prayed over us and then they headed out! Since it was so late already we decided to wait until the next day for Kaylin & Kennedy to come meet her. But they sure loved it when they did!

Kambry Elizabeth Anne McClure

7/22/18

2:26 pm

7lb 3oz 20in

Kennedy's First Birthday Party

Well I haven't blogged in awhile! Haha, and this blog post is on events that happened over 3 months ago.

We had Kennedy's party on May 27th so that Justin could be there before he left for Africa. I had so much fun with the crafting, decor and planning of this tribal/boho party! We had some friends and family over, ate some burritos and cupcakes and just celebrated Kennedy.

Kenny Girl - We love you so so much. You are so very different from Kaylin and I love who you are becoming. You are such a mama's girl and becoming goofy already. 

Kennedy 6 Months

Weight:

Diet: Nurses about every 3 hours during the day, plan to start BLW(baby led weaning) soon. Been waiting for her to be a little stronger at sitting up, but she can now almost sit by herself and can easily sit in the high chair without leaning forward so I think she's about ready for food!

Sleep: Goes to bed around 8 or 8:30, every once in a while we'll start bedtime around 7:30 if she is sleepy. She usually sleeps anywhere from 5-8 hours before waking to eat. Usually only wakes up twice at night and sleeps till 8ish most days. Usually naps between 2-3 hours after lunch(when Kaylin naps) and sometimes takes a cat nap in the ergo or her carseat in the morning or evening.

Mood: Super happy girl. LOVES to smile! She will smile at anyone who smiles or talks to her(unless she's super hungry or sleepy) strangers we see while out and about love it! Haha.

Activities: Loves to play on the floor, she still prefers being on her back but will play on her tummy for 20-30 minutes at times. We put her activity mat away because she was always rolling off it. She loves her bumbo! And now that she is getting stronger she likes to sit up inside the Boppy or in my lap, she still needs the slightest bit of support to sit but not much at all! Doesn't really like her jumper, she will tolerate it, but she definitely doesn't enjoy jumping like Kaylin did!

Clothes: Wearing almost all 9 month now, a few of the larger 6 month things still work but I've put most of the 6 month clothes away because they were summer clothes and not good for December! Still wearing size 2 diapers at night and while out and about and bum genius on the small setting while at home during the day. Thinking she may be close to needing the medium setting.